Wounded
by MatthewtheBryan
Summary: What happens when Ernst is away and the mind and other parts wander?
1. Chapter 1

…Disclaimer: Spring Awakening isn't mine…

"I do not believe that you should be giving me detention in the first place, sir" Hanschen said to his teacher after being yelled at, "why are you not punishing the others in class. Why, Otto is the one who started the teasing."

"Otto never speaks unless he's spoken to, Hanschen, which is something you should learn" The teacher retorted, "You openly clenched a hand around Robert Mahler's buttocks, an action that would give you one hell of a punishment outside of this classroom. Be thankful a detention is all you are receiving."

"I was dared" Hanschen argued, but the teacher would hear no more.

"Detention, after school tomorrow," the teacher scowled, and that was the end of the conversation.

_Dear Ernst, _

_My darling, I have received detention yet again. I know not of when we can actually see other for a third time. I have missed you severely and I await your return this weekend, if I do not get in trouble again. _

_Please, do not ask how I got into trouble; only know that I will be thinking of you the entire time. _

_Love, _

_Hanschen_

It was time for the detention; the school had emptied out, all except for Hanschen and, to his surprise, Otto.

"Hanschen, don't you have to be in detention now?" Otto asked as he walked up to Hanschen, slowly.

Hanschen merely glared back at his overweight classmate and scowled, "yes, thanks to you"

"Thanks to me?"

Hanschen bit his tongue and decided not to answer.

"What did I do?"

"You dared me, Otto, you dared me to do it, and now the entire school will know me as somebody who enjoys the feel a man's body or something like that."

"But, do you not?"

"What?"  
"Do you not like that? I was set to believe you did. Almost everyone is speaking of the incident between Ernst and you. Aren't you the reason he was sent away?"  
"I'd rather not to speak of it, I have detention"

And, with that, Hanschen left to his classroom to pay for his crime, whatever he actually did.

Hanschen entered the room and took his seat. He did not speak to the teacher or anything, he just sat still. Less than five seconds passed and Otto had joined them. _What is he doing here?_ Hanschen asked himself, but ignored him as good as he could.

"I must excuse myself for but a moment, do nothing" the teacher said as he rose from his seat and left Otto and Hanschen alone.

"What are you doing here?" Hanschen asked.

Otto did not reply, but he moved closer to Hanschen.

"What do you want with me?"  
Otto smiled and looked at Hanschen, "How did you know?"

"What?"  
"Your sexuality? You must've had a period of time when you wanted the feel of a female. How did you know that you liked Ernst?"

"I don't know what you're speaking about, Otto"

"Yes you do." Otto scooted closer to Hanschen, "I was wondering if you could help me?"

Hanschen darted a look at Otto, a look of confusion, "I cannot do this, Ernst would be furious"

"What he doesn't know won't hurt him" Otto said, slyly and pulled Hanschen in closer to him and planted a kiss onto Hanschen's lips.

It was not a bad kiss, but you could tell that Otto had not much experience in the matter.

Hanschen didn't care.

The kiss only lasted for a moment longer when they heard the teacher's footsteps coming toward the classroom. He entered and glared at Hanschen and Otto.

He asked, "Did you move seats?"

Otto smiled and answered, "No." Which, obviously, was a lie, but the teacher would believe before he would ever believe anything Hanschen would have told him.

That night, Hanschen put together a letter as quickly as he could for Ernst.

_Ernst, _

_I need you back in my arms. _

_When you return, we'll go the willow tree. _

_The tree where we first felt Heaven, where we were first together, where the skies broke down in blue light. _

_I love you, I really do…_

…_I need you………_

_Love_

_Hanschen_

Hanschen folded the letter and placed it on his nightstand. He relaxed against his hard bed, blond hair accenting the blue pillow case beneath him.

Back and forward, his eyes darted, thinking about both Ernst and, oddly enough, Otto.

_What was with him? Why did he want to kiss me? _

But, the thing that scared Hanschen the most was, a part of him did not regret what he had done.

The moon was Hanschen's only source of light, now, allowing him to see just the trees outside of his window and the stars, each smiling back at Hanschen and his bustling mind.

He was almost asleep when he heard a stone hitting his window, hard. If it was thrown any harder, it might've broken the glass.

"Who's there?" Hanschen called as he opened the window and peered into the dark landscape below.

He couldn't hear anybody, but someone replied. It was a boyish voice, both scared and determined, both intimidated and intimidating, it was Otto.

"Can you come out?" He called back.

"Are there any other lights on in my house?"  
Otto took a moment to respond. Hanschen could almost sense a small sense of relief when Otto answered, "no."

"I'll be down in a moment" Hanschen responded, and proceeded to pull on his clothes.

_What did he want? He better not get me into more trouble. Then again, trouble can be fun sometimes, right?_

"Otto, what do you want?" Hanschen called into the dark yard which he stood. The dew from the grass causing his toes and feet to grow quite cold, making Hanschen begin to regret being outside. Hanschen continued to look around, "Where are you?"  
Otto jumped from behind a bush and collided with Hanschen, throwing the two of them onto the ground. Hanschen screamed, but not loud enough to wake up anybody (thank god).

With Otto atop of him, Hanschen didn't feel very cold anymore, after all, Otto wasn't exactly a tiny boy, and he had meat on his bones which made the cold dew seem slightly bearable.

Otto smiled, "would you like to come with me to my dad's barn? It's warmer there due to the hay. We could lie about and talk, if you want."

Hanschen didn't put much thought into his next move, so he just smiled and agreed to go along with Otto to the barn.

After all, what was there to loose? They are just kids after all, right?

Hanschen was led up to a warm loft filled with lush hay in which the two laid in together. Hanschen was staring out the barn window, but he could feel that Otto was looking at him, silhouetted in the moonlight.

"Hanschen, do you love Ernst?"

"What?"  
Hanschen's gaze outside at the starlit sky broke and he jolted upright, "of course I do… Otto, I-"

Otto leaned over and planted a kiss on Hanschen. This time, it was far better then the first. He pushed Hanschen onto his back and forced his tongue between Hanschen's gates. The way Otto moved his body atop of Hanschen's; it wasn't as if he were overweight at all, everything moved as fluid as anybody else could have done this.

Hanschen's mind went blank; he wrapped his arms around Otto's neck and pressed him down harder atop of him, forcing Otto to become even closer to Hanschen's body.

_He's far better then before. Why should I not be enjoying this?_

"Wait, Otto" Hanschen said as he pulled out from under Otto, "I cannot do this to Ernst, I cannot-"

But, Otto was insistent. He covered Hanschen's mouth and whispered into his ear, "I want to be wounded."

Hanschen stopped struggling and allowed Otto back on top of him. Hanschen removed his shirt, ignoring the brisk, cold air that drifted between the two of them. Otto was more hesitant to remove his, but Hanschen would have none of this, so he did the favor for him.

There they were, nothing but air between them and nothing but the moonlight providing the ambience for this lovely evening. Otto lowered his lips to Hanschen's chest; he kissed down from his chin to his belly-button and licked his way back up. For some reason, Hanschen lost control; grabbed hold of Otto's behind and flipped him onto his back. Otto was ready for this when, suddenly, the memory flew into his head of all the tender moments between him and Ernst.

Suddenly, he pulled off; his eyes were watering for some reason.

"What is it?" Otto asked, breathing heavily, "Why have you stopped?"

Hanschen pulled his shirt on, and already began his descent down the stairs, "Problems of the heart."

Otto watched as Hanschen walked away and decided to at least feed the demons of his libido. He removed his pants, and aimed toward the walls.

Hanschen got home just fine and decided to write to Ernst.

_Ernst, _

_We have a problem_

_-Hanschen_

And, with that, Hanschen laid in his bed but did not fall asleep.


	2. Chapter 2

The next day wasn't just like the one before- it was normal. Hanschen lied about in his bed for as long as he could before his father came up the stairs to get him off to school.

"Must I go?" Hanschen argued, but his father wouldn't argue back. There were many times that Hanschen thought that his father had an inkling that he was gay, but he never acted upon the hunch, "I shall go, but it will be in protest."

School was the same as usual; he went to class, sat next to Ingel and just in front of Georg. He was astonished that Ingel hadn't gotten into trouble yet for the entire week, but he knew it would come to pass soon enough. One thing that was odd about today was Otto's disappearance. Hanschen turned around and looked to the seat behind Ingel only to find that Otto was no where to be seen.

Hanschen leaned toward Ingel, "Where is Otto?"

"He stayed home, whisper has it that he caught some sort of flu from Anna" Ingel answered, "they were seen together just a week ago, and she was sick."

_Great, _Hanschen thought, _all I need is to get the flu without any form of explanation for its existence within me._ But, Hanschen moved these thoughts aside and began to do his Latin homework (a class that he found very tedious).

After school, Hanschen stayed out in the courtyard of the church where Ernst and he often met every once in a while. He was sitting upon a rock, doing homework when he noticed a shadow moving toward him.

"I would like to be left alone" Hanschen yelled, but he noticed that, whoever it was still walking toward him, "I said, go away!"

"Actually, you never said 'go away'" responded the voice of the on comer, it was Otto.

"Otto, why weren't you in school?"

"I didn't know if you were up to even see me… I can see that it is the truth…"

"Otto, please… I guess you can just sit down."

Suddenly, Hanschen felt as if he couldn't even look at Otto the same way. Inside of his mind and heart, he found himself looking at Otto the same way he looked at Ernst.

"Hanschen, about last night-"

"We do not need to speak of that."

"But-"

"Otto, I said no. I don't feel like we should even speak of it."

"If we don't speak of it, then what'll we know what's to come of it?"

Hanschen looked up at the sky, a slab of hurt went down his throat because of what he was about to say.

"Otto, nothing is going to come of what happened in your father's barn."

These words clearly hurt Otto, but he was far from just giving up.

"Hanschen, I-I don't believe you."

"Well, believe it."

Hanschen stood to leave, but Otto stopped him.

"I don't believe you. We shared a moment."

"Let me leave, Otto"

"I won't"

"You'd better!"

Quickly, Hanschen kicked Otto in the gut, flinging him backward. Hanschen was not happy with what had to happen, but he didn't want to deal with all of this crap right then.

"What the hell?!" Otto yelled as Hanschen walked away, ignoring Otto's screaming.

When Hanschen arrived back to his room, he noticed that he had a letter waiting for him from Ernst.

_Dear Hanschen, _

_I received your letters, two in one day! Thank you. _

_There's so much that cannot be said in a letter. I love Berlin, but it is not any comparison to our village. _

_Mainly because of you and I being able to be together, I miss you very much. _

When Hanschen read this, he felt a pain in his chest and tears began swelling in his eyes, _if only he knew what happened, _Hanschen thought. He continued reading…

_I will be back for the weekend for my last visit before I return home permanently. I hope not too much has changed since my leave. _

_I simply cannot wait…_

_Love_

_Ernst_

Instead of placing the letter into a secret box that Hanschen kept under his bed (where the rest of the letters are, including a flower Ernst had picked for him), he crumpled it up and threw it aside in anger. His anger was not toward Ernst, but towards himself. He hated what he had done with Otto and, what he hated most of all, was that he didn't regret it.

Even though it was only five in the afternoon, he was completely exhausted from all the emotional drain that had just enveloped him. So, Hanschen stood from his desk, threw his body atop of his bed and passed out, not to be woken until dinner and, even then, he'd just go back upstairs to pass out again.

The outside world, he wanted nothing to do with.

At least, for this drowsy, dreary and unhappy Wednesday.


	3. Chapter 3

Wounded 3

Thursday was absolutely boring, nothing happened at all. Otto kept to himself, as did Hanschen. They were assigned to write and present an essay about the standards of today's society. Hanschen decided to do his on the subject of humanities and wrote about invalids and the elderly (in a very grim way).

He stood in front of the class, essay in his hand, cleared his throat, and then began to read.

"Classmates, must I remind you of how easy it is to live in our day in time? We have everything provided for us, but some decide to rock the boat- like Melchior, and how am I doing it today. Right here, is a paper, an essay about something that I've always believed in."

Hanschen dramatically paused, and continued, "I believe that our future as a nation will stride forward if we wane out those who are not able to perform everyday tasks."

The class was silent, constricted in shock and awe. Of course, this didn't stop him, only provoked him to carry on, "I refuse to just stand aside while I see the world be habited by these people, so I would enforce some form of law that states that your very existence is in the balance if you cannot do as much as wash a dish or even walk."

Hanschen stopped for a moment, breathed in and smiled, "that's all I have to say on the matter…"

But, believe me; he wanted to say so much more.

Finally, Friday came and it was the day when Hanschen's lover, Ernst, was coming back home for the weekend.

Hanschen was sure to get his best outfit on, one he, normally, only wore to church, but he figured this was better then anything church had to offer him. Who needs eternal salvation when you have love, right?

Ernst was about a half hour late to get home, but Hanschen didn't mind.

Hanschen hugged Ernst tightly, and then backed away, "Are you home for good?"

"I have another week in the city, and then I'll be back" Ernst answered, smiling up at Hanschen with tear-filled eyes, "I missed you."  
"I figured you would," Hanschen responded, but then hugged Ernst back, "I missed you too."

Hanschen pulled away from Ernst and tugged on his arm, leading him off into the courtyard of the church where the two of them had done their first deed. Ernst sat upon the grass, knowing Hanschen was only to fall over him, but Hanschen hesitated a little. "What is wrong?" Ernst asked.

Hanschen shook his head and smiled, seductively, "nothing, angel. Just lay back and relax."

"Won't we be caught?" Ernst asked, "it is the middle of the afternoon."

"Do we care?"

Ernst sat up, and thought for a moment, "I guess not."

"Good."

Hanschen shoved Ernst down onto his back and lowered himself over Ernst. He could feel something pulsing inside of him, be it his heart or his rage of lust, but he ignored this and continued onward.

_The lips touched, the hands traveled_

_The sun warmed the grass below_

_Angels flown and demons surfaced_

_Bones were settled, ghosts were scorned_

_Be it the middle of the day or the darkest of night_

_Be it when you become the bravest_

_And you ignore the fright_

_For this one time, this one time_

_We combine _

_And feel our bodies intertwine…_

The two of them began walking back up the narrow pathway back to Ernst's house when Hanschen spotted Otto walking toward them. Otto stared at the couple then looked straight back to the ground.

"Hello, Otto" Ernst said, but Otto didn't respond the greeting. Ernst looked at Hanschen with a puzzled look, "what's the matter with him?"

"He's just upset about something" Hanschen answered, then looked down at the boy beside him and smiled, "just forget about it, it doesn't matter."

"I guess not" Ernst responded with a smile and he rested his head against Hanschen's chest, "nothing matters when the two of us are together, right?"

Hanschen paused, but shook himself out of the daze and just responded with a kiss atop Ernst's head.

That night, Hanschen was lying on his bed, a million thoughts racing through his mind and he couldn't sort them out at all. Why did he have to see Otto today of all days? It just brought back a lot of problems that he thought he had forgotten.


End file.
